I just had a minor struggle with myself. Well, not so minor. It's something I have been struggling with a lot for the past couple of years. I love dressing up and feeling like a superwoman, it's what takes me through the day to come waltzing down the road. Walking as if the ground will quake under my feet as I pass. I am a storm, glorious, beautiful and scary. Yes. I love that. I am that.
But the struggle I just had was that I didn't dare to order some clothing that I fell in love with. I got frustrated with myself. I wanted to mentally slap myself. I didn't dare because I thought about all the people who would make remarks, who would look at me as if I'm a freak, who would talk behind my back and not talk to me face to face at all. That mad me so angry with myself just now, that I cared so much about what other people would think.
I have been so bruised and battered by other peoples mean and hurtful words that I almost didn't order beautiful clothes that empower me. It sounds so mundane and silly, almost pathetic, that I take pride in and feel so powerful in something as shallow and simple as clothing. But why the fuck not? Why not celebrate ourselves in any way we can?
I told myself that. If I want to look like a zombie streetwalker, then I fucking will. I will not let these people bend me. I want to look glorious and scary. I want to feel like a tornado as I walk through life.
Why I got so angry was because I have always promised myself, since I was a little girl, that I will always wear whatever the fuck I want, always. No exceptions. For myself and to empower others, to be brave enough to be me, 100% me. 100% Becky and more. It's my body. I will always look the way I want to, I will not let others make me pipe down, turn down my glimmer and shine. Fuck no. I will not be shaped by the people who are... Oh I don't know, what are they? Prejudice itself. I will not be brought down. I fucking won't.
So, you remember that you are your own canvas, you can create, erase, shape and mold yourself in anyway you want. No matter what anyone else says. If you loose friends because of it, then they weren't good friends to begin with. (Unless you start a cult to kill off all the pandas in the world, then you should... Yeah, maybe not take my words into consideration.)
I am a tornado. Witness me in all my glory.
